· Even though you've been together for 7 years, I've noticed that many men don't like to get married in their early or mids and would rather wait a bit longer. If you were 37, Answer (1 of 14): That depends on you. Do you want to be married or do you want to stay with your boyfriend? If you want to be married, regardless of who will be your husband, then ask · If your goal is to get married, have a serious conversation about it and be willing to leave. Most guys need this pressure to get married. If this is important to you, think about it carefully. Don’t waste your time with someone that can’t reciprocate. My aunt dated my uncle for 7 years, lived together for 5 years These notable exceptions are the stage is one of the united states 1; site in all been online dating for years and not married types of humour. Recently my aunt passed . Designed to · If you're wondering why that could be, check out what these 10 guys confess are the reasons why they haven't asked their long-term girlfriends to marry them. 1. I'm not really ... read more
Why not ask me now if you know you want to marry me? Why wait? Better yet, why would you want to wait to ask if you know its something we both want????
I dont know what to do or what to say to him. I dont want to pressure him into asking me and I am afraid that is what I am doing. I just dont get why he is waiting and what exactly he is waiting for. I just cant seem to stop thinking about this whole thing, especially when his brother's fiancé wont shut up about her wedding planning. Her whole wedding was planned in 2 months!!! I know exactly how you feel! We're going on four years and have been talking about marriage since the very beginning.
I'm sick of talking about it and hearing about how it will happen when we're done school, when we have more money, etc My boyfriend just wants to do things right, and he feels that we can't do it right when we're just finishing up with school, have student loan debt, etc but it's still frustrating to me, especially when he talks about how much he wants to get married too.
I wish so much that men still asked women to marry them when they know they want it, not just when all conditions are "right". It's taking the magic away out of starting a life together, especially if you've been living together for a long time already. The only advice I can give you is to be patient with him, but talk to him and explain that you don't feel secure when year after year he says he will, and then nothing happens.
Ask why exactly he has set this timeline for himself when you've already been together for several years. Have you discussed with him your reasons for wanting to get married? Does he even want to get married, or do you think his 'planned' proposals are due to your influence? Is he looking forward to it at all? Has he expounded upon his reasons for wanting to? You also haven't lived together for that long either. I would focus less on the act of marriage and more on his feelings in regards to whether he's ready.
He says he's ready but obviously isn't. Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable revealing the reasons why he's not ready. from what you describe, it sounds like he is going to, but you need to stop pestering him. What would you rather have? him come home and throw a ring at you like "here's your damned ring! Or, he might plan some really romantic way to propose as a total surprise. A woman I know woke up one morning and her boyfriend planned a surprise romantic trip to Rome, asked her boss for time off, etc and he proposed by the Trevi fountain!
if that's not romantic, I don't know what is! I think you should set some internal deadline for yourself. I don't know - like maybe 1 year from now, or when you are 26, or whatever feels right.
Don't tell him your deadline. Just stop asking, stop nagging, stop pressuring. Just be nice and pleasant. If he doesn't propose by then, then you can have a conversation with him saying that you love him, but are worried that the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing to marriage, and marriage is something you want, but if he doesn't, then it's best to break up.
Even though you've been together for 7 years, I've noticed that many men don't like to get married in their early or mids and would rather wait a bit longer.
If you were 37, dating your bf for 7 years, i would be a lot more worried. If he says he will soon, I would back off and let him plan his surprise. Let's face it - women run the show when it comes to the wedding, and the proposal is the only time when the man gets to do the planning.
Together 6 years, and his only real reason he could give was needing the money for the ring.. but all the while was spending money on his hobbies [cars and motorcycles And you know what? He's been saving for a ring.
The money is there, now its just a matter of the right moment. It's in his hands, and I trust that yes he does want to marry me, and its a good feeling when he's the one who's ready to do it. On his own. He feels ready to move onto the next step. And thats what you need to wait for. There's a reason why your guy hasn't done it yet. It may just be flat out not ready, even though yes this is something he wants to do.. something is stopping him from doing so. Only he can really solve this problem.
It is a hard thing, especially when they talk about it, they tell you they want to do it, but don't. There isn't much you can do, but accept the fact that he truly isn't ready. There is certainly a bigger issue here.. he seems to just be giving you lines to buy time. Keep in mind that yes, you have been together for 7 years..
but also realize that for some guys, getitng married at 24 can be a scary thing. My guy is almost 29,.. Or perhaps one of the reasons that divorce rates are sky high is becausepeople don't wait for the right conditions?
Also, I just have to say that if marriage is particularly important for someone then I don't think it's a good idea to indefinitely wait around for the other person to ask. In this situation I would shirk tradition and just propose, regardless of your gender.
But my conclusion? He knows I am ready. I knew he wasn't because he hadn't done it. What does the girl proposing solve? The guy still isn't ready.
He accepts the proposal, gets married out of obligation? Have some resentment there. Or he turns her down. PS - The book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray has a really good "script" for the woman who is ready to get married and the man is dragging his heels.
I would get the book and read that chapter. If you two have been together for seven years and of those seven years living together for one year, then I believe you have every right to wonder.
The variable is the fact that you two are living together already, so what is this hold up if you've already been doing the grown up thing for a year? What's the wait? Maybe you should set a time table and if things don't happen by then, make a decision and up to pulling the plug if need be.
good questions. great questions actually. well worth getting to the bottom of. seven years is a very long time. marriage may feel like a good option at this point but it may not feel like the best option for him. i've been in that position. six years with a woman who never failed to show me how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
it wasn't simple. i always said i would be that guy. but that time never arrived. i never took the steps to get there. i suppose i was waiting for it to just happen. sure, there are a whole multitude of superficial reasons that someone can offer up. but, the bottom line seems to always come down to the fact that there is something VERY definite standing in his way.
if you continue on the way you've been going is anything going to change? i kind of agree, not sure there's much you can do, aside from inviting him to share what his true feelings are. do the two of you communicate well together? does he seem to share himself with you? this goes beyond comfort. after seven years, of course you're comfortable. perhaps too comfortable. do you really get to the heart of things. is it possible that he feels threatened by your overwhelming desires threatened by the fact that you seem to know exactly what you want and if he says anything other than what you want to hear you'll perhaps slip into something a little less comfortable?
not knowing what you want can be terrifying when the people around you are so self-assured. i know for me, it felt like i needed to pretend to know what i wanted just to hold onto what i had.
spent alot of time trying to convince myself. i never would've been ready without getting to the root of it all though. marriage itself was never the problem. the girl i was with was never the problem. everything was internal to the point where i almost imploded. this sounds like so much more than a lack of proposal.
there's a piece of the puzzle that's missing. I would ask yourself why you are still with someone who promises to marry you but doesn't. What keeps you together, if not marriage? Nothing is holding you together other than your devotion to each other. You sense your friends pitying you and you hate it. They assume there must be a reason. A lot of people assume you just got married at some point and they missed the memo. But you and your partner both know that somewhere out there, certain friends or family members are wondering about it.
You live together. You own a home together. You may even have children together. Marriage would be a lateral. Every so often, this little self-pity creeps in. And then, to add insult to injury, you become angry with yourself for pitying yourself. Sometimes your partner notices when you feel bad for yourself. Or, he becomes aware that your friends feel sorry for you or question his love for you. You hate that outsiders are getting to him, too.
You should get a party for sticking it out, married or not, for nearly a decade! Those natural, built-in moments to propose go away. Three-year anniversary? Five-year anniversary?
This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lee 6 years, 12 months ago. I have been dating the same man for over 10 years and I am still waiting for a proposal!
We have been through everything a married couple has and more. We lived separately the first 5 years and then we purchased a home together because I got tired of waiting. He is an alcoholic and has been sober for 3 years. We have been through counseling, have joined a church and we live as a married couple. Any time I bring up the subject of marriage it is never the right time to talk about it or he changes the subject.
I am going to be turning 36 this year and my biological clock is ticking away. Does he just not want to marry me??? Sounds like he has no plans of ever marrying you. This is something that should have been discussed long ago and you should have set a timeline in your mind for how long you would wait before moving on; I think years is long enough, any longer than that is really pushing it.
Thank you for your honesty. There used to be a timeline in my head but things kept coming up to push out the dates or make excuses. It is just exhausting….. Thank you again for your input Gemini I agree. You are making his life easy. If your goal is to get married, have a serious conversation about it and be willing to leave.
Most guys need this pressure to get married. If this is important to you, think about it carefully. My aunt dated my uncle for 7 years, lived together for 5 years. He kept dragging his feet on marriage. When she finally got sick of it and told him to marry her or she was leaving, he married her and they will celebrate 39 years this year! He does not want to marry you. Plain and simple… Que question is, what do you expect from him? Rose, thank you for the question. I guess I expect him to ask me to marry him and make a commitment.
He is not a decision maker is a Libra. Thank you Kaye, I have been avoiding the ultimatum of leave or marry me. Thank you for your comment. Anna, thank you for your input. If has been really hard to stay with recovering alcoholic.
Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it. Andrea, I would sit down by yourself and write out your desires and needs and how you would like to see your life in one year, and also in two years.
Once you have clear in your mind what they are, let him know. Be open and honest without pressuring him or making him feel bad. He seems flawed. Talk to him, be open, make plans to make your goals a reality. Hopefully, if he does want and is ready for the same thing, he will take the discussion and your cues and step up. You are still young, but time flies as we all know….
and life is too short to be unhappy. Ask him instead! Do you not have sex with each other? You say its like living with a housemate…maybe there are other problems? Does he actually want to have children himself?
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· If you're wondering why that could be, check out what these 10 guys confess are the reasons why they haven't asked their long-term girlfriends to marry them. 1. I'm not really · If your goal is to get married, have a serious conversation about it and be willing to leave. Most guys need this pressure to get married. If this is important to you, think about it carefully. Don’t waste your time with someone that can’t reciprocate. My aunt dated my uncle for 7 years, lived together for 5 years These notable exceptions are the stage is one of the united states 1; site in all been online dating for years and not married types of humour. Recently my aunt passed . Designed to · Life isn't black and white, but if you have some doubts, these are indicators that he's not in a place to marry you. It's not about him not loving you; it's about him not wanting to · If so, there might be a soulmate thing goin' on here. However, as Dr. Klapow says, "If you are walking on eggshells, avoiding conflict, or worried that the relationship will be over Answer (1 of 14): That depends on you. Do you want to be married or do you want to stay with your boyfriend? If you want to be married, regardless of who will be your husband, then ask ... read more
MORE IN Weddings. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. I realize that this all may partly be a function of where I live NYC, ageist af , but overall, it honestly sucks. nyctodcgirl Posted February 8, You can definitely know that you want to spend your life with somoene, but there's also the fact that he's still 24, and may not be READY for that step just yet. We're going on four years and have been talking about marriage since the very beginning.but it may not feel like the best option for him. i never would've been ready without getting to the root of it all though. Ask why exactly he has set this timeline for himself when you've already been together for several years. I LITERALLY can't wait!!!! I've also been stood up a number of times.